2nd Degree

Why is it that no matter how many times you tell a child NOT to do something, they have to do it? I realize that kids are "programmed" to not listen, and to push buttons. Any buttons. My buttons. And I have have three of the most button-pushing children on the face of the planet.

This week is apparently Gabriel's week for button-pushing. He's been having a banner summer for said pushing - and I've had about all that I can stand. He's enrolled in a Summer Rec program, and my guess is that he's learning all kinds of neat things from the older kids that are also enrolled. While he's always had a bit of an attitude problem (he is, after all, my son), his nastiness/rudeness/jerkiness has gotten worse in the last month. I realize that he's 4. And that he's probably bored. And he has me for a mother (attitudinal isn't even a proper word to describe me). All of those are good excuses, but something has to give at some point. Gabriel is also very "hand's on". He likes to touch everything. He has to know how things work, why things work. In that respect, he is very much his father's son. Jon's an engineer, and also very hand's on in his learning.

I digress. So, why is it that kids must do the exact opposite of what you tell them? I suppose that if someone figures out the answer to that they are going to be rich and famous - every parent will want access to that bit of knowledge.

Here's a perfect example of Gabriel's inability to listen. Jon took Gabey and Janna outside on Monday evening (Elliott was in time-out for peeing all over the bathroom). They rode bikes, played at the playground, and then came back to the yard so Jon could get ready to grill chicken for dinner. Every single time we are in the back yard we tell the kids to never, ever, ever, EVER touch the grill. (I bet you can already guess where this story is going.)

Jon put Janna in her hopper (exersaucer), and Gabriel was planted firmly in the sandbox. I heard Jon tell him to stay away from the grill. Jon commenced making fire (we have a charcoal grill), and everything was fine. He started cooking the chicken, and I once again heard him remind Gabriel that grills are hot. No touchy-touchy. I continued chatting on the phone with my Mom, and I was telling her how good Gabe was being. How well he was listening. And then I heard it. Jon's raised voice. Followed by shrieking. Uncontrollable, inconsolable shrieking. I told my Mom I was pretty sure that Gabriel had just touched the grill. And he had. With his entire right hand. Not just a finger, the entire hand. So in he came, face purple from hysterically crying. Nothing would soothe. Being the very smart Mom that I am, I knew how to "treat" a burn, so I held his hand under cool water, and then gave him a wet washcloth. From the few peeks he would allow me, I could see that the skin was blistering. I called his ped's office, and they advised me to take him to the ER.

The ER was pretty busy, so we had to wait our turn. Gabriel, being the attitudinal turd that he is, kept asking me when someone was going to come fix his hand. He was hungry, and he didn't need to stay there anymore. It was actually pretty funny to listen to his little boy voice telling the doctor that it was about time he got there. The doctor didn't mind being put in his place by a 4-year-old, either. Dr. F. popped the blisters (ewwwww), and wrapped Gabe's hand up but good.

As part of the discharge instructions, I had to follow up with the Burn Unit at Strong Hospital. While I knew it was necessary, it was still a giant pain in my ass. My kids nap. And of course the only time Gabey could be seen was at 1. Right at the beginning of nap-time. Thank goodness I have a very understanding hubby. He came home so the girls could sleep, and Gabe and I went into the city. Dr. L. was very nice, and we discussed treatment options. The burn is a superficial second degree wound, and no matter what anyone does, it will heal on its own. I realize this isn't a great picture, but you can see the burn covering his little hand. Nice, huh?

It has to be kept dry and clean, so Dr. L. re-wrapped it in a tougher, calamine lotion-soaked bandage that should, in theory, stay until next Monday. Gabriel was very pleased with the outcome. Not only does it look cool to him, but it also leaves a pink slick on everything he touches.

Today, Gabe says his hand only hurts a little bit. But he is starting to get annoyed with the bandages (which have to stay on his hands for at least 2 weeks). I'm starting to get annoyed with the bandages, too. They are, indeed, leaving a pink slick on everything he touches. And since he has discovered that he can milk this boo-boo for everything it's worth (he can no longer feed himself, pull up his pants, strap himself into his car seat, write his name), he's helpless. The reason I find his helplessness so annoying is that he's only helpless when he wants to be. He can play trains, swing, slide, fall down steps, wrestle his sister. Again, I realize it's the age. But I'm trying to take care of two smaller urchins - one of whom is basically helpless (have I mentioned lately that Janna is going to be 1 tomorrow???!!!) . I could use a break (i.e. Pull up your own damned pants. Even if it means that you have to put Gordon down.)!

Knock-Knock

While we were finishing up dinner this evening, Jon asked me when I thought Gabriel was old enough to understand Knock-knock Jokes. So I said, "Let's find out."

Mommy/Daddy: "Knock-knock."
Gabriel: "Knock-knock."
D: "No. You say, 'Who's there?'"
Elliott: "Who's there?"
M: "Boo."

[Blank stares from children.]

D: "Now you say, 'Boo who?'"
G: "Boo who?"
M: "You don't have to cry about it! It's only a joke!! Hahahaha."

[More blank stares.]

D: "Ok. Let's try this again. Knock-knock."

G/E: "Knock-knock."

M/D: "No, you say, 'Who's there?'"

E: "Who's there?"

D: "Banana."

G: "Banana."

M: "No, you say 'Banana who?"

[Blank stares.]

D: "Now, when I say, 'Knock-knock.', you say, 'Who's there?' Got it?"

G/E: "Yep."

D: "Knock-knock."

G/E: "Knock-knock."

D: "Ok, so that answers that question. Knock-knock, Gabriel."

G: "It's in the water."

M/D: "What? What's in the water?"

E: "Yeah. It's in the ocean."

M/D: "Ummm, ok. Banana."

E: "Banana. Nana. Nana. Nana?"

D: "Knock-knock."

G: "It's Nana. The door is locked and she's trying to get in."

[Blank stares from Mommy and Daddy.]

Hello? Is Santa There?

Being the terrible mother that I am, I have resorted to "calling" Santa Claus when I need help trying to get the kids to cooperate. I can't be blamed for it - Jon started it!! The other night when the kids were out of control (screaming, yelling, throwing food/toys), the phone rang. It was Jennifer checking to see if I was ready to walk, but the kids didn't know that. They kept asking who I was talking to, and Jon (who had had enough at this point and had lost his seemingly never-ending supply of patience) finally told them that it was Santa. He said that Santa was calling to check in - to see how everyone was behaving. Gabriel was confused - he knows when Santa comes (winter), and it's not winter. He said as much to Jon. Jon reassured him that Santa does, indeed, call throughout the year to make sure everyone is being nice to their mommies and daddies, brothers and sisters, cats and dogs, toys and dinners.

This morning, the kids were acting like mini-fools (once again throwing food/toys, screaming/yelling), and before he left, Jon told them they'd better behave. Santa might just call again. Or worse. Mommy might have to call him. Gabriel immediately stopped throwing and screaming. Elliott stopped screaming, but said she still wasn't going to eat her waffles. Janna, obviously, didn't care and continued to throw her food on the floor and spray milk everywhere.

After things calmed down a bit, Gabriel came into the kitchen to actually ask if I was planning to call Santa. I said no, but that I would if he really didn't behave himself. He said he would. His reason? He wanted to make sure Santa was bringing him a Polar Express. I told him that behaving would be great! It would make everyone happy and proud - especially Mommy and Santa.

So far, so good. Gabey and Elliott are in the playroom playing "Nice Guy/Nasty One". Apparently Elliott is the Nasty One and Gabey is the Nice Guy. He is chasing her with a magic wand (an Aida cross-stitch fabric tube filled with rainbow colored beads and duct taped at the ends) and a piece of pretend pizza. I guess those are the tools needed to reform the Nasty One.

2 Weeks Notice

Just in case you weren't already aware - Janna Ellen will be 1 in 2 weeks! How is it possible? She's growing up so fast (sometimes I think it's too fast). This morning when she got up she had 2 new teeth. They sprouted overnight. She also looks like a "kid". She just doesn't have that baby look anymore. Erin has been gassing about that fact for a few weeks now, and I finally have to agree. My baby isn't such a baby anymore.

I was all ready for a good "brag" about my kids (because, after all, they are the best kids in the world. And the cutest. Yours are great [and I love reading about them and seeing pics of them] - but they're yours. Mine are, well - mine. And therefore they are better!! Biased?? You bet!!) - and then we sat down to eat dinner. And of course, sitting down to eat dinner with my kids is nothing short of chaos.

I've already touched upon the topic of my Sweet and Petite. And while she's amazing, she's also utterly disgusting. She's a hog when it comes to eating (hog as in she eats large quantities of food, and hog as in she eats like a hog). She will try anything you put in front of her, and actually seems to prefer the greenest vegetation I can find. Give the kid an asparagus spear and she's in heaven! So while I applaud her excellent eating, I loathe her "puke speak". It's kind of like "burp speak", only she makes barf noises while she chatters. She then usually manages to bring something back up after about 15 minutes. It's so gross. Tonight her "offering" was a nice blend of chicken noodle soup, applesauce, and cracker. Yum! Janna has taken the title of Puke Queen away from her sister.

Speaking of Elliott - the girl is growing like a weed! Her legs are so long that all of her shorts look almost obscene (if she wasn't 2, I would never allow her to go out of the house in them). She's also growing more and more disgusting every day. She's got more nasal drippings than any kid I have ever known. And instead of willingly getting a tissue, she plays with it. She's also fascinated with poop. She wants to inspect Janna's diaper at every change. She asks if it's a "big, huge, corn poop" (thank you, Devin and Zak), and when it isn't, she asks if Janna can have corn for dinner, "so that the next poopy is a yellow corn one". I'm not kidding. She actually says that. It almost makes me want to never serve corn again.

I have to post a small "Mommy-Brag" about my Elliott Jane. She is the sweetest little person I know. She loves to hug anyone - and anything. I love that about her. Today's huggin' story is as follows. Jon and the kids were playing out in the field, and there was a bunny just sitting in the grass. The kids all crept up quietly to it, and when she finally hopped away they were thrilled to see baby bunnies. Elliott came in to tell me about it. "Squeaky animals, Mom! But one has blood. I think it needs a band-aid. And a hug." Her face was so sincere, and she was so serious. It broke my heart a little. It turns out that the bunny was dead, and after we told Elliott that the bunny was too hurt to play, she said she needed a hug, too. It was so sweet.

Gabriel was also very concerned about the bunny. But his concern was based around the "yuckies" getting on him. He doesn't like to have dirt and gross stuff on him, but he picks his nose (and then eats the "treasure") like a champ. He's also taken to non-mouth-covered fake-coughing. He saves his "coughs" for dinner-time, too, so they are filled with spit and partially chewed food. I have the seat of honor next to him. Tonight he coughed on my plate at least 7 times. There were damp cracker flecks all over. It was repulsive. And since I am so even-tempered, I coughed back in his face. This sent him into complete hysterics (the hysterics happen at least 3 times a day - now that he's4, his temper tantrums have increased 10 fold. Crying and screaming hysterically is like his job now.). However, I think I may have gotten my point across. He didn't like it when there was spit flying at his face, or his Klondike.

And since I have bragged about Elliott, I have to brag about my Boy. He's huge. And handsome. And far too smart. Every day he amazes me with his stories about random things he's picked up in his "travels", or with things that he's somehow remembered. I swear that the kid can remember every "exciting" thing that has happened to him in the last 4 years. It's insane.

Now that he's "older" he's able to get out and do things without his sisters - or me - tagging along. The Summer Rec program he's enrolled in has been wonderful. He's making new friends, learning to listen to authority figures other than Jon and I, learning to wait his turn - and he loves it. It's preparing him for UPK in the Fall. I am super-excited that he got into the program (due to the large number of kids in the school district, there is a lottery to see who gets in). He will go to school every weekday morning, and Elliott will be in school on Tuesday/Thursday mornings. On those days, it will just be Janna and I. Can anyone say, "Heaven"?

Happenings...

Seriously - what the hell is wrong with me? My life isn't so busy that I can't find time to Blog. I guess I'm just lazy!! So please bear with me - this post will be on the long side. My goal is to fill you all in (you know you've been waiting for a new post) on what we've been doing for the past two weeks. And I will totally steal Erin's picture-caption-story-thing so you can see my Hosers in action.

Now - where did I leave off...oh yes. We were in PA on "vacation". Our trip to the Bloomsburg Park was awesome. My kids (and my hubby) had a blast.

Jon and the Hosers having fun on a tire swing.

That evening, we let the kids stay up extra late to catch lightning bugs. Far too much fun. I think Elliott liked it more than Gabriel did!

"I caught one!!"

The next day (Thursday) we hung out with Grampa. The kids love going to Nana and Grampa's house - there are so many cool toys!! And no one cares when Janna breaks into the cupboards.

Janna breaking into Nana's cupboards.

Friday was spent at Knoebel's. If you grew up in the area, then you were basically forced to work there as a teenager. So going to "the park" was like a rite of passage. You went there as a child to ride the rides. Then you worked there for as long as humanly possible (for me it was from age 14 to 17). And then you make the pilgrimage back to Elysburg so your kids can revel in the wonderousness that Knoebel's is. And to my kids - Knoebel's was wonderful! They are still talking about it. They rode everything they were big enough to ride (that park has the most awesome kiddie section I have ever seen), they gorged themselves on cotton candy and ice cream, and they happily fell asleep on the way home. I think we spent maybe $25 on the whole day. It was yet another shared piece of my childhood. There are far too many adorable pictures to upload - if you want to see more, ask nicely!! Maybe I'll share!

The clown sign says it all.

We came home with Gramma and some "extra" baggage on Saturday. This is the extra baggage I am referring to:

Elliott and her kit-na, Kuzco.

Kuzco was found in the middle of the road by a little girl who lives up the street from my Mom. It was very tiny and malnourished, so Mom brought it with her so she could keep an eye on it. Elliott was (and still is) in heaven. She loves her. And Kuzco (she's a she) is quite possibly the nicest little kitty girl in the world.

While my Mom was here, the older kids and I got to do some MOMS Club stuff. Strawberry picking was lots of fun - at least for me. The kids were so excited to go, and then they each picked two berries. I picked about 6,342. When I came home, I turned those sweet berries into delicious jam.

The "fruits" of my labor.

The Fourth of July was spent very quietly. My pal Katie came over, and we spent the evening playing outside with Janna's new wagon. Gramma won't be here for Janna Baby's First Birthday, so she got to have her gift early. It's pretty neat!

My sweet babies!!

We took Gramma back home on Saturday. Then we drove all they way back up here on Sunday. It sucked. It was very hot, and the AC in my Hog still doesn't work properly. Jon complained that his nether regions were far too sweaty to be cozy. Since I can't commiserate, I really didn't care a whole lot.

So far this week has been only slightly busy. Gabriel is enrolled in Summer Rec at a local park, and everything has been going well with it - the only exception being the "war wound" that he received on Monday. He and a buddy were tackling each other and it escalated. I guess he'll live! So while Gabriel was wrestling, Elliott and I went to a different park with my MOMS Club. We stayed for about a half hour. It was too stinking hot - and annoying. I was melting! We went to Erin's instead, and the girls had a blast splashing in Tuggy. Erin and her girls raided our house this morning. The kids played sooooooo well together. They all ate well, too. My three napped well, but Erin's Biggest Smallish Person was not quite as enthused about nap-time. My kids will have to try harder next time to wear her out!

So there you have it. The last week-and-a-half in an e-nutshell. I promise I'll try harder to blog more frequently!!