How Can You Be Lonely When You Have Kids?

After I had Baby #1 (complicated delivery, difficult child) and was left alone to be the best SAHM I could be, I felt the loneliness of being a Mom - which was really surprising to me. I had very few friends with which to discuss the things I pondered like, is it humanly possible to survive with this much blood pouring out of my nether-region, and when exactly is the bleeding going to stop? Do you have to have porn star nipples to breastfeed? What takes out spit-up stains, and why does this alien throw up every 30 minutes? Why is the entire crib/pack 'n play soaked, but there is no pee in the diaper? Is it normal to feel completely alone even though there is another human being in the house with me all day? Why do I feel like such a failure?

20 months later, Baby #2 came along (easy delivery, easy child). I had a few more friends, but I was still feeling pretty much alone. Being a Mom to one kid was rough - how was I ever going to handle another one? Will I ever feel less lonely? Am I doing this right? Can anyone hear me? When Baby #2 was 9 months old, I joined MOMS Club. Best thing I ever did for myself as a self-proclaimed semi-floundering Mom. I was desperately in need of friends (so were my kids), and I really wanted to talk to other Moms who were probably just as lonely and frustrated as I was. I wanted to see someone else doing this whole mothering thing.

So 20 months later when I found myself pregnant with Baby #3, I had an abundance of girlfriends! And it was wonderful! I was able to ask my "Girls" why, and how, and what - about EVERYTHING! And they didn't look at me like I was insane. My previous GFs also all had kids at this point, and I had them to rely on, too. It was awesome! I finally had someone to talk to about my fears and insecurities, my triumphs and exultations. I was finally able to see some Moms in action! When Baby #3 was born (complications led to a c-section), I actually had friends come visit me in the hospital (no one came to see me with the other two)! I had more advice, information, and company than I knew what to do with! Not only did I have a great group of friends, but I also had an end to my loneliness.

Anyone can tell you about poop, strange smells, puke, all kinds of gross things. Girlfriends will tell you the truth about all the gross stuff, about how weird it is to see you with a baby's hand hanging out of your vagina (this is what led to my having a c-section), and that you need to hold a pillow against your tummy so your insides don't fall out. A true girlfriend will also tell you that she, too, is often lonely and feels like a failure. That is what I most wanted - no, needed to know about motherhood. That is what I wished I knew - that being a Mom was a lonely job. And it felt (and still feels) so good to know that I wasn't alone.

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This Blog Blast is brought to you today by the number 3, the letter M, The Parent Bloggers Network and Discovery Health's new show, "Deliver Me" . Tell me your truths about Motherhood - what did your girlfriends tell you? What do you wish you knew before becoming a Mom? And after you're done, tune into "Deliver Me".

I totally flaked!!

I so totally forgot about the rad television in the 80's (these are so not in any particular order)!
1. The Dukes of Hazzard
2. M*A*S*H
3. The Wonder Years
4. ALF
5. Bosom Buddies
6. Fraggle Rock
7. Greatest American Hero
8. Muppet Show
9. Press Your Luck
10. Punky Brewster

CARTOONS!! These like so totally deserve their own category!
1. The Get Along Gang
2. Jem
3. The Littles
4. Rainbow Brite
5. Superfriends
6. The Popples
7. She-Ra and He-Man
8. Smurfs
9. Inspector Gadget
10. The Jetsons

Now that I have like totally gone back in time, I am so in the mood to make some friendship bracelets!!

Guilty!

So, like, after reading lisha's totally tubular homage to the 80's, I found myself, like, laughing (and cringing) at my memories of growing up during the "Me Decade". Yeah, I was like totally young, but I was able to enjoy the bombdiggity-ness of the era with the best of them!

My Top 10 Fashion Must-Have-Whatevers (not sure if I should call them grodie or mistakes):
1. Jellies
2. Chuck Taylors (I alone had at least 10 pairs - my family as a whole had probably 60+)
3. Legwarmers (and you can bet money that I rocked those things with a coordinating Mary Lou Retton leotard and sweatsuit)
4. Cropped tops
5. Pedal-pushers (they were not called "capris" in my house!!) and culottes
6. Pastel jeans
7. Izod polo shirts (with the collar turned up!)
8. Color-changing glasses (since I liked to coordinate my eye wear with my outfit, my Mom found these nifty glasses that had a set of little plastic colored things that you put in the frame)
9. Cosmetics (Crayon Girl stuff and Tinkerbell nail polish)
10. Frosted jean jacket (complete with buttons and random pins)
(The fashion of the 80's is really not something I wish to relive. And the fact that a lot of it is somehow becoming popular again really boggles my mind.)

Let's move on to Toys!
1. Barbie (I was addicted!! Tropical Barbie was mint - her one-shouldered, flowered bathing suit and very flowy hair were awesome!!)
2. Cabbage Patch Kids
3. Dolly Pops
4. Charmkins
5. Atari
6. Strawberry Shortcake
7. Care Bears
8. Hot Looks Dolls
9. Shrinky-Dinks
10. Kitchen stuff (I had a metal kitchen complete with TupperWare)

80's movies and music are one of my very favorite guilty pleasures. My Top 10 Favorite 80's movies (it was so hard to limit this to 10):
1. Urban Cowboy
2. Pretty In Pink
3. The Breakfast Club
4. The Last Unicorn
5. 16 Candles
6. The Goonies
7. The Princess Bride
8. Spaceballs
9. Annie
10. The Neverending Story

Top 10 80's Songs:
1. Rough Boy (ZZ Top)
2. Angel (Madonna)
3. Drive (The Cars)
4. If I Could Fly (Benny Mardones)
5. Talking In Your Sleep (The Romantics)
6. Don't Answer Me (The Alan Parsons Project)
7. If You Leave (OMD)
8. What I Am (Edie Brickell and the New Bohemians)
9. Life In a Northern Town (The Dream Academy)
10. Eyes Without a Face (Billy Idol)

So, I have like totally got to book. I am so in need of some grindage. Fer sure! But what about you?? Do you share my love of all things 80's? Cool beans!!

It's MAGIC!!

My kids don't like to eat. In order to get them to eat, I have to create "magic" food. Seriously. Examples?

Magic Raisins (Craisins).

Magic Mac and Cheese (that disgusting easy-mac stuff).

Magic PB&J (crust-less roll-up bites) (cut off bread crust, flatten bread with rolling pin, smear bread with pb&j, roll up, cut into pieces).

Magic Toast (cinnamon swirl bread toasted).

Magic Preschool Crackers (Low-fat Honey Graham crackers) (G rediscovered graham crackers at preschool snack-time. He prefers the ones with the cinnamon and sugar on top. I prefer the plain ones. Calling them "magic" was how I got him to try them.).

Magic Juice (pineapple juice).

Magic Spaghetti (my homemade sauce with extra veggies).

Magic Nuggets (homemade chicken nuggets or chicken parmesan).

Basically everything my kids refuse to eat I turn into "magic foods". It actually works sometimes.

As I type this I have "You Can Do Magic" by America playing in my head. And now that that song is there, I'm in an 80's America mood. I may have to watch "The Last Unicorn" since all of the music is by them. The sad thing about this is that I don't even really like the band.

A New Addition!

My newest nephew, Connor Michael, was born on March 22 at 1:35am, weighing in at 9lbs, 2oz and measuring at 20.5 inches. Isn't he beautiful?? That's my Mommy holding him, just in case you cared!

It's a Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood...

Well, it's not actually beautiful here (it's snowing a bit and the ground is a lovely shade of brownish-mossy green), but it's the First Day of Spring! And I did dress the kids up in honor of Mr. Rogers!

Gabriel doesn't have a cardigan, but according to the article from the other day, any sweater will do - as long as it is a special sweater. And this one is his favorite! The Girls are all decked out in their cardigans, and so am I!

Dress-up Day!!

What are you doing on Thursday (as in 2 days from now)? Dig out a cardigan and celebrate Mr. Rogers with me on what would would have been his 80th birthday.

When I was little I loved Mr. Rogers. Probably not as much as my older brother Devin, but I still loved him. I can remember tossing my shoes in the air from hand to hand. I also remember my Grandfather wearing cardigans. I think that's part of the reason I loved Mr. R. so much.

Now that I have kids of my own, I am trying to share that love with my kiddos. And Gabriel loves himself some Land of Make Believe. He wants to ride Trolley and play in the castle with Prince Tuesday. His favorite episodes are my favorites as well - the train trip to the Crayola factory and the Incredible Hulk unveiling. Elliott loves The LoMB too - she prefers Henrietta Pussycat and X the Owl. She has asked for a stop light for the living room and a fish tank, too.

If you're interested, check out this article and don a sweet cardigan on Thursday. I'll post pics for all to see!

Hats

so many hats perched
precariously - sometimes
i wish they would fall.

When I was younger I never understood what people meant when they said they wore so many different hats. I thought it literally meant different hats - like baseball hats, or stocking hats, or top hats. When I read the phrase in books I pictured someone with a teetering tower of hats on top of their head. When I finally realized what "wearing different hats" meant, I thought it was a really neat way of describing yourself.

For some reason, this winter has seemed especially long. I am very tired of actual winter hats (and gloves, and coats, and scarves). As I was dressing the kids for yet another trip to the pediatrician's office (Janna's got another ear infection), I started thinking about hats. My hats. Not my literal hats, but my figurative ones. Already sitting on my head are the permanent hats: the "Daughter", "Sister", "Wife", "Mother", and "Friend" hats. Each hat has a different set of expectations and rules. Added to those are the smaller hats - the ones that are offshoots of the permanent hats. They change with the days. While they aren't always are "on", they are in pretty heavy rotation. Hats like the "Chauffeur", "Nurse", "Athletic Coordinator", "Teacher", "Librarian", "Chef", "Maid", "Photographer", "Arts & Crafts Guru", "Veterinarian", "Secretary", and "Historian". Sure there are other hats, but these are the ones that seem to get the most use.

Everyone wears hats. Every single one of us is wearing a wobbly pillar of hats right now. While I am proud to be the owner of such a wide variety of them, I sometimes wish they would all fall off for just 1 minute.

Finally!!

Janna has her first tooth! She was miserable last night (from about 1:45 to 3:00 am), and this explains it. She's usually an awesome sleeper, even when she's sick. This morning she was still a little uncomfortable, and when I looked in her mouth as she was yelling at me I could see that her bottom gums were a little purple. So I felt around, and there it was! Toofers #1! It's not quite all the way through the skin yet, but it's definitely there. YAY!

A Few of My Favorite Things

Being totally bored, and having a lack of kid-isms or actions to share (they have been so good this week), I thought I would dedicate a post to my favorite things. I rarely pay attention to the items I use on a daily basis - they're just there. And I use them. Every day. They are taken for granted. Yeah, they're inanimate objects, but they deserve some credit. After all, they help me to be the well-rounded individual you all know (and some of you even love).

So - here's a list of 10 Inanimate Objects (in no particular order) I wouldn't be able to get through the day without.

1. Burt's Bees Beeswax Lip Balm.

2. My Vera Bradley Purse O' The Moment. Right now, it's my Capri Melon Lindsay. I also use my Cambridge Baby Bag lots, too.

3. Pure Romance Body Dew. PR isn't only about adult play stuff. They offer some really nice products for the body, too. I have very dry skin, and this stuff is amazing. No itching, no razor burn, and it smells incredible.

4. Wipes.

5. Household Electronics. This includes, but is not limited to the DVD player/VCR, computer, cell phone, digital camera, digital camcorder. Is a microwave considered an electronic device??

6. Nap time.

7. Anti-bacterial foaming hand soap. I change a lot of diapers. Thus, I wash my hands a lot.

8. Hand Lotion.

9. 1/2 the Caff Coffee and Flavored Creamer. Since they get mixed, they count as one.

10. Charmin Basic Toilet Paper. The quality and feel of the stuff is nice. So is the price. I don't think I need to elaborate.

And now, my three most favorite things in the world are calling for me.

Happy Birthday Gabriel!

My Favorite and Best Boy is 4 years old! Where has the time gone? Some days it just doesn't seem possible. Then, of course, there are the days when I think he can't grow up fast enough. It's a good thing (a DAMNED good thing) he's cute!

Turning My Past Into Presents

red yarn hair, button
eyes, candy heart, and a sweet
smile that warms my soul

Vintage and antique toys and books thrill me. But what thrills me even more is sharing my love of all things raggedy with my perfect children. Watching my perfect children play with my beloved toys (or replicas of those toys) or reading my favorite books makes me smile. Knowing that they are getting as much enjoyment (at least for 2 minutes) as I did is so awesome.

This week's Blog Blast from ParentBloggers is about sharing your childhood memories with your kids. Those who choose to share their "sharing" are entered into a drawing to win a subscription to Highlights Magazine's new publication, High Five. How cool is that? Especially if you were a reader of Highlights when you were a small-fry (and I was!!).

I would have to say that the childhood love that I have shared the most would be my love, no, adoration of Raggedy Ann. I have my Grandmother's Raggedy books, my Mommy's dolls, my own dolls, and now my kids each have their own. There's something about the simplicity of the doll that has endeared her (and Andy) to my heart...and the hearts of millions. And my children love her. They each sleep with a smaller doll, and par-tay with the larger ones. We read the books at night, the household favorite being "Raggedy Ann in Cookie Land".

Speaking of books, I have also shared my love of them, especially Golden Books. My Mom shared her favorite books with me when I was smallish (love "Shirley Temple's Fairyland") , and we have both passed on our love of those books with this generation. With the birth of each child, my Mom gave them copies of her cherished childhood books (like "Gabriel Churchkitten" by Margot Austin), and I have created a Golden Book library of my favorites. For every holiday and birthday, each kid gets a new book. Though I don't think you can ever have too many books, we might be coming close.

Cabbage Patch Kids (they have some of mine, but they also each received a new one as a first birthday present), crayons (only Crayola will do), miniatures (I love tiny dolls and furniture - as did my Grandma and Mom), ColorForms, Dolly Pops (Fisher-Price's Snap 'n Style dolls are a pretty close match, though Elliott and Janna will have mine), and play kitchens (complete with TupperWare) are other playthings from my past that I have happily showered onto my kids.

Obviously toys and books aren't the only thing I have shared, but those are the ones that stand out the most. Writing this post has made me think of the wonderful things my Mom (and Grandmothers) passed on to me. My hope is that I am making them proud. I also hope that my babies will carry on their love of my beloved possessions to their children.

In keeping with the sharing theme of this post, I need to mention that I have also shared a loathing of socks with my kiddos.