How Can You Be Lonely When You Have Kids?

After I had Baby #1 (complicated delivery, difficult child) and was left alone to be the best SAHM I could be, I felt the loneliness of being a Mom - which was really surprising to me. I had very few friends with which to discuss the things I pondered like, is it humanly possible to survive with this much blood pouring out of my nether-region, and when exactly is the bleeding going to stop? Do you have to have porn star nipples to breastfeed? What takes out spit-up stains, and why does this alien throw up every 30 minutes? Why is the entire crib/pack 'n play soaked, but there is no pee in the diaper? Is it normal to feel completely alone even though there is another human being in the house with me all day? Why do I feel like such a failure?

20 months later, Baby #2 came along (easy delivery, easy child). I had a few more friends, but I was still feeling pretty much alone. Being a Mom to one kid was rough - how was I ever going to handle another one? Will I ever feel less lonely? Am I doing this right? Can anyone hear me? When Baby #2 was 9 months old, I joined MOMS Club. Best thing I ever did for myself as a self-proclaimed semi-floundering Mom. I was desperately in need of friends (so were my kids), and I really wanted to talk to other Moms who were probably just as lonely and frustrated as I was. I wanted to see someone else doing this whole mothering thing.

So 20 months later when I found myself pregnant with Baby #3, I had an abundance of girlfriends! And it was wonderful! I was able to ask my "Girls" why, and how, and what - about EVERYTHING! And they didn't look at me like I was insane. My previous GFs also all had kids at this point, and I had them to rely on, too. It was awesome! I finally had someone to talk to about my fears and insecurities, my triumphs and exultations. I was finally able to see some Moms in action! When Baby #3 was born (complications led to a c-section), I actually had friends come visit me in the hospital (no one came to see me with the other two)! I had more advice, information, and company than I knew what to do with! Not only did I have a great group of friends, but I also had an end to my loneliness.

Anyone can tell you about poop, strange smells, puke, all kinds of gross things. Girlfriends will tell you the truth about all the gross stuff, about how weird it is to see you with a baby's hand hanging out of your vagina (this is what led to my having a c-section), and that you need to hold a pillow against your tummy so your insides don't fall out. A true girlfriend will also tell you that she, too, is often lonely and feels like a failure. That is what I most wanted - no, needed to know about motherhood. That is what I wished I knew - that being a Mom was a lonely job. And it felt (and still feels) so good to know that I wasn't alone.

===========================================================

This Blog Blast is brought to you today by the number 3, the letter M, The Parent Bloggers Network and Discovery Health's new show, "Deliver Me" . Tell me your truths about Motherhood - what did your girlfriends tell you? What do you wish you knew before becoming a Mom? And after you're done, tune into "Deliver Me".