What I Meant To Say Wednesday

[I wish I was clever enough to come up with these cool ideas...but alas. I'm not. So I'll copy from Supah and Chief. And not feel even the slightest bit ashamed of it.]

Courtney (to the school nurse): Sure I can come pick him up. But if possible, would it be ok if it waited for like 20 minutes so I can pick up his sister from UPK at the same time? It is? Okthanks.

What I meant to say: Are you fucking kidding me? He has a temperature of what? Did you just say 100.2? That's not even a "real" fever!! Is he puking? Is he bleeding? Then why in the balls do I have to come pick his skinny little ass up? There is NOTHING wrong with him. He's not sick. Again...are you fucking kidding me? Yeah fine. I'll pick his ass up. But you're so getting him back tomorrow. And if he even thinks about the nurse's office, I'll know. And he's going to get a spanking. Yeah. That's right. I'm going to spank him. Cause he's not fucking sick.

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Courtney (to hubby): I totally understand that driving to Florida (over Spring Break) is going to be a pain in the butt. But it would be great to get away. And the kids don't have school that week. And it is over $600 cheaper than flying. Ok. Well, please think about it. I love you.

What I meant to say: What the hell, Jon? You have 3+ weeks of fucking vacation. That you never take. You waste so much if it every fucking year. Yes I realize that driving 20+ hours to see my Dad is going to suck balls. Yes I know that you are going to have to do most of the driving cause I hate that shit. Yes I know that I am a bitch when I am stuck in a car for more than 15 minutes. But ya know what? This isn't for us. It's for them. Our hosers. At some point, those little turds aren't going to want to spend any time with us. But right now? They adore us. They adore YOU. Who the fuck cares if they miss a few days of school before Spring Break? They're in Kindergarten and UPK. They won't miss a damned thing. I don't give a rat's ass if you never missed a day of school so you could go on vacation. I did. And I'm a pretty well-adjusted adult. OMG. Again...what the hell, Jon? Fine. Let's just stay home. And you can work all fucking day. And then come home and work all fucking night. I'll just hang out with the kids. All fucking week. With no break. And you can enjoy the happiness that will fill this house. Yep. That was me being sarcastic. You don't like it? Wah. Ok, I apologize for being a bitch, but on a serious note? You do have a ton of vacation. And you never use it. I priced plane tickets. We can't afford those. Driving? We can afford. And the kids have a full week off from school. They would only be missing 3 days if we leave the Wednesday before. We don't have anything planned for that week, and you can take your laptop with you. You can work from Dad's patio. Or the beach. I know it's going to be a long drive. But there is so much to see on the way down, and the kids will love it. I will also be on my very best behavior! Ok. Fine. Fuck you. And no. I didn't mean that seriously. Consider my southern half closed for the season. Argh. Jon, I don't want to have to nastify you into wanting to go on vacation with your family. If you don't want to go, just say so. You do? Is this just because I said I wasn't going to sleep with you? Only partly? I can live with that. Florida? Here we fucking come! And hell no - of course I'm not going to help drive. Are you fucking kidding me? That's a man's job.

All About MEme Monday...Read It and Weep!!

Me likey this Monday's theme: books. Me likey lots. So, here goes.

(From the one and only Supah's Blog: You know Oprah Supah asks the tough questions ...

What are you currently reading?
When do you find the time to read?
Where do you do most of your reading?
How do you choose what you read?
From where do you get most of your books?
What do you do with a book after you've finished reading it?
What are your book (reading) quirks?")

I love to read. LOVE to read. For as long as I can remember, I have loved books. As a child, my preference was for Golden Books. My very favorite one was "The Ginghams: The Backwards Picnic". I passed my love of Golden Books onto my kidlets, and thus we have a very large collection of the golden-spined books (some dating back to the 40's).

As I outgrew the GB's (ok, so who ever really outgrows those books?!), I started in on "bigger" books. My favorite? "The Clumpets Go Sailing". From there I graduated to chapter books, with Beverly Cleary topping my list of favorites. Oh how I wanted to be Ramona Quimby. I read the Babysitters Club series, and I also liked the Sweet Valley High books. I loved the classics like Anne of Green Gables, Heidi, The Little Princess, Pippi Longstocking, The Secret Garden, and The Wizard of Oz (I consider myself lucky that my copy of the book was my great-grandfather's - from 1906). Some other favorites were Behind The Attic Wall, Wait Til Helen Comes, and The House of Dies Drear.

When I entered my teen years, V.C. Andrews' books were my crack. I read everything she wrote, with My Sweet Audrina being my fave. When I outgrew her (which didn't take long because I read so fast), I started reading more chick-lit. The first time I picked up a Louisa May Alcott book, I was in heaven, and An Old-Fashioned Girl is still one of my very favorite books. I gave myself whole-heartedly to Ms. Alcott, Emily and Charlotte Bronte, Margaret Mitchell (and then of course Alexandra Ripley), and Daphne DuMaurier. I also started reading romance novels. I found that Danielle Steele (my Gramma K. would give me hers) books were quick and kind of fascinating to my 14 year-old brain. Belva Plain's stories were also entertaining.

I discovered my Dad's bookshelf in the late 90s. John Grisham, Stephen King, Anne Rice, Mary Higgins Clark, Robert James Waller, Michael Crichton, and Patricia Cornwell replaced Danielle Steele and the rest of the romance novelists. And then James Patterson arrived on my radar. Wow. JP became my crack. I would stay up all night to finish the books. Mr. Patterson also brought some of his colleagues along - Douglas Preston and Lincoln Child, Lee Childs, Ted Bell, Dean Koontz, Tami Hoag...the list can go on and on.

The point of the above rambling? I love to read!! Books are my escape. I love being able to lose myself in their pages. In the last 12 months, I would say that I've read easily over 20 books. Probably more. But definitely not less. In the last week, I have flown through two books - Stephen King's The Eyes of the Dragon and The Green Mile, and I started his Different Seasons book last night.

I am lucky that my kiddos still "nap" and go to bed early, so I do most of my reading while they're in bed. Which is why I get as many books in as I do. It also helps that I read fast.

My favorite place to read is on the couch. Cuddled up in my Snuggie with a warm mug of tea. Or a cold beer - it all depends on how the day went. But I'll read anywhere - bed, standing in the kitchen while stirring dinner, in the tub, on the toilet. The only place I can't read is in the car.

I judge books by their covers. Not going to lie about it either. If the cover looks even remotely interesting, I will grab it. Sometimes I'm disappointed, but sometimes not. I don't use the media-driven Best-Seller lists. They are grossly overrated, and I don't want to read what the masses are reading. Sure most of what I read end up being on those lists, but I don't choose them from those lists. I tend to stick with one author for a while...if I like one book he/she has written, I hunt down the rest of his/her works.

The majority of the books I read are usually borrowed. I steal them from my brother's book shelf, my Dad sends a box up from FL, friends give them to me, and every so often I will hit up the library. If I fall in love with the book, then I buy it. I'm a re-reader. The Twilight series? Took me 4 days to read. 2 weeks later, I re-read them. Jane Eyre? Gets re-read every summer. My Jane Austen Favorites (Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibilities) have been read at least 3 times each.

What do I do with books after I've read them? Usually pile them in a stack next to my bed. If I've borrowed them from a friend or family member or the library, I return them. But if they're mine? They get stacked. Or boxed up. Or borrowed. There are books all over this house. If they're my favorite books - the ones I can't live without - they get put on a shelf in my room. Austen, Alcott, Meyer, Frank, King, Bronte...all in my room.

Reading quirks...let's see. I can never find a bookmark, so I use whatever's laying around. Usually a Vera Bradley tag...or a receipt. Sometimes I use strings that I pull off of my shirts. I love the snapping sound that a brand-new book makes when you first crack the spine. I also love the smell of fresh ink. I will never own a Kindle or any other "reading game" for that reason - it's just not the same. When I lose myself completely, I tend to talk to the characters. I yell at them, laugh at them, cry with them...and I'm usually oblivious that I'm doing it.

And now that I've discussed my love of books, I'm going to go read while my kids are still occupied in the playroom. Happy reading!!

Nutshell

The last few weeks have been insane. So to sum up, here's life - in a...

I finally caved...I read (then re-read because they were so freaking good) the Twilight Saga!

We got our tree...and the kids loved it!

We made a gingerbread house...the dinosaurs loved it!

I celebrated my birthday...Snuggies are awesome!

The kids had all kinds of school festivities...Gabriel was abused after one of them, and ended up in the ER.

Christmas was a blast...the kids got far too much loot!

In an effort to use up some of the mountains of yarn around here...I started making hats.

Turns out that Elliott can't see...so she's now wearing glasses.

And there you have it. The last few weeks in a nutshell.

Post-It Note Tuesday!!

Monday Meme...Lap Sitting!!!

I've been slacking in my Memes lately...and I apologize. So...in an honest effort to stay on track (and because I know you all have missed me so much) - here's my Monday Meme!!

Supah Woman herself would like to know whose lap (aside from Santa's) I would like to sit on. Obviously the first person that comes to mind if Jonny P. But...that's not very interesting. So...here's my list. In no particular order.

Hugh Laurie. 'Cause no matter what he's in...he always looks good. Even when he looks like absolute shit.

Robert Pattinson. But only when he's portraying Edward Cullen. When he's not all pasty and clean-shaven, he's just not as tasty.

Gwen Stefani. Not sure if it's just because she's the sexiest woman I have ever laid eyes on, or if it's because she's married to Gavin Rossdale.

Josh Halloway. Holy. Hotness. I want to be lost on a deserted island with Sawyer. F Jack.

John Krasinski. Words fail me...

So. There you have it. 5 laps I would rather sit on than Santa's. Me also likey Hugh Grant, Mark Harmon, Matthew Macfadyen, Colin Firth, Mark Addy, Kate Walsh, and Hayden Christensen.