Tough Noogies

When I was younger, my Mom would tell us "tough noogies" when we wanted something that we weren't allowed to have. I told Elliott that this afternoon after listening to her whine about her need for candy corn. She giggled...then I giggled...then Janna giggled - and it made me smile to remember my Mom saying that to me. As Elliott's whining recommenced, I started thinking about my role as a Mommy. But not just any kind of Mommy - a No-Mommy. (Thanks for that "phrase", Erin!!)

I come from a long, proud line of SAHMs. I knew as a child that when I had my own kids I was going to stay home with them. Being a vet, teacher, lawyer, or whatever other random occupation I dreamed about at the time was secondary. I was going to be my Mom. That's all I really ever wanted. And for the most part, I'm there. My Mom was a No-Mom. And I've picked up where she left off.

While I absolutely adore my kids, I'm not here to be their buddy. I'm their parent (or at least 1/2 of the parental unit). I'm the one in charge. Let's face it...while Jon is also kind of in charge, as the parent who is home with the kids every day, all day - I'm really the one in charge. Jon's just kind of along for the ride. I make the rules, and I expect them to be followed. But what I don't expect is for my rules and my status as a No-Mommy to be judged, and then negated or scoffed at by my peers. I'm proud to be a No-Mommy. Tough noogies to the people who don't like it.

Being a parent and raising kids is a really hard job. But the job becomes even harder (for me) when the rules and expectations that I set forth are constantly questioned or demeaned by people who haven't got a clue what it's like to take 3 steps in my shoes. While I'm not asking anyone to agree with my rules, I am asking to be respected as a parent.

The following is a list of My Favorite Rules that are most questioned and disrespected:

Food is to be eaten in a timely fashion (and all food will be eaten while sitting at the table with your heiney in a chair). With the amount of food being served to my kids at each meal, there is absolutely no need for more than 25-30 minutes to pass before they finish. Obviously, there are times when this time frame can be adjusted (if the kid is making an honest effort at eating, then the plate can stay - but only until the rest of the plates have been cleared and the dishes are done), but for the most part a half hour is all they should need. If the food isn't gone at the end of the allotted time, it gets taken away. Tough noogies to the kid that hasn't eaten.

No snacks (cookies, candy, etc.). Like many parents, we are dealing with kids that don't eat. About 15 minutes after they leave the table they whine for food. Tough noogies. I'm of the opinion that if a kid is hungry, said kid will eat the meal that is served. When snacks are given, they are in the form of pretzels, popcorn, or raisins. And other than using candy corn as a potty-training reward (J gets 2 pieces), I don't use sweets as a reward. I love it when the kids behave and have great days at school, but I don't love it enough to give them junk.

If I threaten to take something (anything) away, I follow through. While it's really hard to be consistent, I try my hardest. If toys aren't picked up, if books are thrown...I will take them - they will become mine. Halloween was pretty dismal around these parts this year. G's behavior was so ridiculous, that I took Trick-or-Treating away. Some friends and family (my brothers especially) were appalled that I had the audacity to forbid the kids to t-or-t. Tough noogies. I threatened...and I followed through. And hopefully, the kiddos learned something. And hey, we all benefited from the lack of candy!

Lunches or outings with friends will be taken away for inappropriate behavior. This rule coincides with the above rule. We spent the summer playing/eating lunches with our friends. It was great. I ignored the ridiculous behavior that all of the kids were exhibiting, and we continued doing lunches after the start of the school year. A few weeks in I noticed a dramatic change in E's behavior after these lunches. Our afternoons were horrific because she was so wild, and she was warned that the fun times would be taken away if her behavior didn't turn around. Thus we haven't done lunches with friends since the middle of September. Tough noogies. As much as it stinks that I don't get any adult interaction most days, E has completely calmed down. She was so calm that I decided to set up a Thursday lunch date for her. And the moment I told her about it she went nuts. And so we ate alone today. Again...tough noogies.

Naps (and/or quiet time) will be had every day - from the hours of 1pm-4:30pm. I lucked out in the napping department - my kids have always been great nappers. The girls take 3 hour naps each day, and when G gets home from school he takes an hour nap, too. I schedule nothing for the afternoon because it's nap-time, and I get a lot of flak for that - though I'm not sure why. My kids need naps - and I need the break from them. Tough noogies if we can't make it to a party or a play-date - naps are more important. And tough noogies to the kids if they don't want to go to bed.

After reading through my most "controversial" rules, I realize that many people will think that I'm too harsh of a Mom. But again, I am happy with the fact that I am a No-Mommy - I say "No" a lot. That being said, I am also very much a Yes-Mommy. I say yes to kisses and cuddles. I say yes to extra bedtime stories. I say yes to playdoh and glitter. I say yes to air-popped popcorn. I say yes to Hamburger Helper (which is huge if you know me - that stuff is nasty!!). I say yes to tights, hair stuff, and perfume. I say yes to bubble baths. I say yes to blowing a bugle at 6am. I say yes to taking too many pictures of the "skull face". I say yes to random trips to Subway. I say yes to sleeping bags. I say yes to pink milk.

And if you ask me if I think I'm a good Mom? I'll say yes.