New Rules

I'm in charge of this house. While I know that "technically" Jon is the head-of-the-household because he brings in the money, I am in charge. I wear the proverbial pants in this family. I set the majority of the rules, and people can either follow them...or they can leave - or sit in time-out for the entire afternoon. Harsh? Maybe. But I need a routine in place every day. I like consistency.

My rules are pretty straightforward: No throwing, pushing, biting, running, spitting, jumping on furniture. Clean up your mess. Eat your food. Listen to Mommy and Daddy (or whatever adult is in charge). If you decide not to listen and to break rules, then you get a warning. If you continue the behavior, you go to time-out. If I have to get out my yelling voice and spanking hands, it's over.

Lately, the kids have been pretty much out of control. And I don't know what to do anymore. Yelling doesn't work. Punishing doesn't work. Taking away privileges and toys doesn't work. Taking away snacks doesn't work. Spanking doesn't work. Nothing works. Absolutely nothing works. My kids just don't care. And I'm frustrated. No one listens, no one cleans up, no one eats, no one naps, no one goes to bed at night. All they will do is whatever you tell them not to do. I know, I know...they're 4, 3, and 1.5. But at some point, something's gotta give, right?

So after a morning of utter hell (and an afternoon that rapidly went down the tubes), I have come up with some new ways of dealing with the behavior of my kids. I made a rewards chart years ago, and it stopped working so I put it away. I got that beast out again, and I am going to re-vamp it over the weekend.

I am also revamping our "House Rules" list. I'm going to print it out and post it all over the house. If a kid misbehaves then I will point of the rule, describe how they broke it, and they will then be punished accordingly.

We currently use a "Naughty Bag" for toys that are abused (meaning thrown or used as a weapon), and it works fairly well. The kids misuse a toy, it goes in the bag. We tell them that the item can come out after a certain number of days (4 for G, 3 for E, 2 for J). Since the bag is usually overflowing, I am going to set up a color-coded bin system. Each day of the week will have a different color, and the toys that have been abused will be put in the coordinating day's bin. The toys will then be taken away for a full week. Part of me thinks that 7 days is a bit much. But since the kids' track records show that within minutes of having an abused toy back they abuse it again in the exact same manner as they did when it was taken away, I am going to start out with the full week. The bins will also be used for the toys that don't get cleaned up. Every day before nap and bed times, the kids will be told to clean up. Whatever doesn't get put away will be added to the bin and taken away for a week.

I'm also making a toy chart for each kid. I am going to take pictures of each kids' favorite toys, and post them on a chart. On days when behavior is absolutely ridiculous, they can choose the toys that they lose. Examples: 1) Gabe's behavior in school. He was awesome for his first week back after the holiday break. This week hasn't been so good. He just can't keep his attitude or his sillies in check. I'm not sure how to punish him for behavior that I'm not seeing (though I'm not doubting it) - and I think this might work. He has to pick the toys to give up. And he loves everything in his room. 2) Elliott has decided that she doesn't need to nap or stay quiet at nap time. (And trust me - she needs the nap.) So when she decides to wander around the upstairs bothering everyone, she can pick the toys she wants to lose for 3 days. And then she can park her heiney in time-out until nap-time ends. Which is where she is right this minute. Only she gets to sit there until Daddy gets home from work. In an hour and a half.

Janna really isn't going to get much out of the new rules/rewards/punishment system. She's too young. But there's no reason for her not to have to follow the same rules that her siblings have to follow. So when she decides to misbehave and abuse toys, the same punishments will be handed down to her - to a lesser degree.

We'll see how it goes. I'm at the end of my rope. If this doesn't work, I'm not sure what else to try. Any other suggestions?